Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
