a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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