I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
