I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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