I think im going to throw up on grandma
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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