there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
