Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
