yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
