I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
