well I can't set my house on fire every night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
