She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
