dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
