Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
