My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
