i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
