sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
