But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
