I hate all girls vehemently.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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