I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
