Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are my feet made of real feet?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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