so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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