please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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