My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
