it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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