Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
