I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
