the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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