i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
