Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
