I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
