Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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