I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
