I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
