It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
