This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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