How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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