so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
