It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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