this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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