This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize