THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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