I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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