his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
