I wish life had little blips of pornography
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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