I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
