i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
