I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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