end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its liver damage thursday
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