why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
soo... how was my night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize