pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
