i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
