WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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