Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
