walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
nutella sex= disaster
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
