And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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