Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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