i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
