I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
