My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
