You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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