I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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