I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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