i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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