It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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