Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
