You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
