in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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