I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who died my cat blue again?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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