I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why didn't you poke me back
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
