Cold hands, warm shart.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
