I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
