my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
