Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
