I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
