Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
