I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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