Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
