he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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