Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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