she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
