I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize