I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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