So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
