he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
