..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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