I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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