Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
