Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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