Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
