o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
