i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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