Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
