I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize