She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So many bounce houses so little time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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