I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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